In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
