u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
