We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
