How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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