if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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