How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
