Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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