Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize