Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
