omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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