So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
