i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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