In the future we'll all be gay
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
