I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I touched a dick in church today
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
