Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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