No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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