i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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