Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I smell like Dick and happiness
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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