i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Randomize
