I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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