What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I deserve this hangover.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
