Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
