She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
