I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Sponge bath it is.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
