i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Randomize
