I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
