I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
