We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize