He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
