I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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