he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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