If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
