Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
