Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
