I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
