I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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