It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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