I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
