I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
