You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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