I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
They should really pass out barf bags in church
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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