Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
