By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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