I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
