Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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