I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
