I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
