If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
