Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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