Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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