So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
