His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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