i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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