i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
