Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
