Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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