Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
