Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
