Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
