My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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