Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
