he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
