My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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