my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
