I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize