There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
