dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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