Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i think i have two assholes
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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