hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
