she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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