Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize