ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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