the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
