I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
