Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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