awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
