I must be too annoying 4 u.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Randomize
