If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
