Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
