this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
