That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You're like the curious george of whores
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
