Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
