i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
