New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
