I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Randomize
