last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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