At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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