Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
