the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
