3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
