Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
