you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
im six kinds of drunk right now
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
