he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
