the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
