In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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