Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
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